The Kid To Throw Dirt At

It is times like these, with my nose running down my face, that I contemplate the many special dysfunctions of being me.  I am an allergy sufferer.  The allergies are bad. Quite, quite bad.  Sometimes I get a fever and an unstoppable stream of snot and tears run down my face for a few days.  I also get man voice. During this time it is inadvisable to leave the house.  Allergies cannot be mentioned without bringing special attention to another one of my special dysfunctions: partially collapsed Eustachian tubes in my ears, with particular dysfunction resting in my left ear.  Ears cannot drain properly=worse allergies.  Also bad hearing, ringing and crackling in my ears.  I’m like my own little sound check at all times.  It’s as awesome as it sounds.

Ok, so you know what else is cool about me?  My left leg is shorter than my right!  Pain.  Weird limpy walk when I forget to wear my lift.  My spine is all out of alignment making me achy and cracky and poppy.  Sounds like a new cereal.  Don’t try it!  This one gives you the gimps!   Its kind of funny when my back is especially hurty from this extra special dysfunction cause I get tired and a bit goofy, like I’m buzzed and I can’t think properly.  I am prone to idiocy, I guess you could say.  But it’s not my fault, it’s the leg’s.

Then there is the gluten and dairy allergies or intolerances or whatever we call them these days.  No ice cream?  Oh, not a problem.  No pie?  Fine. That’s fine.  Actually, its not fine, I was being sarcastic.  But you can’t hear my inflection.  So.  I just thought I’d point it out.  The really bad part about this situation is that I stopped eating meat in 8^th grade.  I have been a vegetarian for over 11 years, and the thought of eating meat has disgusted me since then, and honestly quite a bit longer.  I never could stomach a steak or pork or chicken.  I did love bacon, pepperoni, and barbecue ribs, don’t ask me why.  So, finding something to eat can be an issue.  Food and I are in a fight right now, but potato, beans,  and rice, are my lovelies.  I kick it with veg and fruit too.  Almonds be my homies.  Ok, so its not really a fight, but more of a tiff. 

Thank god my eyesight is good or I’d be the walking definition of “kid to throw dirt at in the playground”.  I’ve got eczema too.  Not bad.  Not bad at all, just a few patches. 

So there you have it.  I have proven I am especially awesome.  You’re welcome.