Psychic Football

Do you ever find yourself watching something ridiculous on TV like you care?  I guess for most people it might be reality TV or something.  I personally find value in many reality shows, as strange as that may sound, and is a whole ‘nother story. But, anywho.....I just found myself absorbed by the instant football replay on the news! Gah! I know!

Um, I don’t even understand football.  Like, at all.  Well, I understand it more than I understand baseball. Which is just like watching the plutonic form of CONFUSION before me. The problem is that football doesn’t make logical sense to me like basketball and soccer.  There are all these little side rules and things.  Plus, basketball and soccer players tend to be the hottest, and that goes a long way, as they are also the ones that spend the most time running around.  Additionally, I find their uniforms the most adorable.  I know I sound like a major girl, and that is ‘cause I totes am! hehehe....xxx muah <3

Right now I can’t even tell you what I was absorbed by.  I can’t remember.  But at the time I was into it.  I cared.  About something related to how a play went.  To me this means that I understood it (“it” being “football in general") in the moment and formed an opinion about what I thought should happen.  Not that I literally understood football as a whole, not possible, I guarantee you, BUT, I did understand the play and I did have some sort of primal care, or an understanding of why I should care.  A psychic understanding, if ye will.

We’re all hard-wired to care, make decisions, form opinions, and they happen whether we’re there mentally for them or not. Why? I know as much about that as I do about baseball.  What do we ignore, what do we tell ourselves to dismiss and worry about later?  What do we actually know that we won’t even let ourselves admit?  What happens when you turn off the chatter, sit down, and actually experience what you feel and believe?  What you actually know?  It’s amazing to realize that we are capable of going on, existing, functioning, without trying too hard.  Maybe I should watch more football.....

Ghosts

I really like the idea of ghosts.  My favorite ride at Disneyland is totally The Haunted Mansion and I am obsessed with Paranormal State.  Aside from the spooky fun of it all the idea that we imprint ourselves permanently on our surroundings, for good or for bad, is a powerful thought to me.  Surely, my vanity adores that power as well :)

Even if there aren't literally ghosts: apparitions shimmering in the dark at the foot of your bed, old civil war generals with guns and whiskey bottles, little girls singing nursery rhymes and skipping rope in your hallway, we do leave an impression.  On other people at least.  Not just the way someone thinks of you, but their impulse in response to the thought of you or the sound of your name.  What they smell, and recall.  What happens to their heart rate.

You still reside in your childhood room as a product of how you treated the space.  Drawings hidden in the walls of a closet, a hole in the wall, all your sports medals neatly hung on a shelf....a product of who you simply are, you left your impression.  The mere way the room was arranged will affect others coming into that space.

Your physical movements and actions are an obvious way to affect space, because you can see the result.  If you punch a wall and it leaves a hole, you see the hole, you remember how it happened, others see it and wonder.

We all know how our bodies change when we are experiencing emotions internally. We send out little brains waves, we heat up, we cry, adrenaline courses through us, we sweat, we release all sorts of natural chemicals.  This must affect our space also.  I am the last person to ask about the science of it, but I just wonder.

We leave our ghosts everywhere just by being ourselves.  Wouldn't it be nice if the strongest impressions left were positive?  If people thought of you and smiled?  Better yet: to affect the negative ghosts, accept them for what they are, let them go, move on, and let them absorb some of your positivity.

Aimee and John's Wedding Toast

This didn't actually make it to the reception, but here it is now:

(minus an actual ending)

You know, Aimee and John have been together a long time.  Not as long as I’ve known her, I met her like a month earlier, but still a really long time and now they’re married, and you know, that is so great.  I know you all are familiar with Aimee and John as a couple, but Aimee and I have a special relationship too. Um, a different relationship.  I’m not saying OUR relationship is equal to or even better than Aimee and John’s relationship, its just, um different and...special. 

Aimee and I met freshman year at UCSB and it was love at first sight.  I can tell you exactly what she was wearing.  A light blue “bubba gump” tee shirt elegantly coupled with a dashing pair of equally light blue Abercrombie jeans.  Her hair dangled sweetly from her head in ravishing Pocahontas style braids.  She. Was. Exquisite. 

We spent our days in Environmental Science and Psych 1 giggling quietly at the back of the lecture halls at inside jokes and delicately brushing each other’s hair in the dark.  We’d see movies downtown, get pedicures, and dip our freshly lacquered toes in the gentle waves of the ocean watching beer cans float by and planning the rest of our lives....It was college and we were free and everything was ok and we were happy.

I remember the first day John joined us in the UCSB Carillo dining commons for lunch.  He wore...something boyish. and his hair was all curly.  Lunch was something Aimee and I usually did together, but I was totally willing to give him a chance. I mean its just eating.  Its not like I can’t eat in front of people besides Aimee...now....so it was fine.  It was sweet. They flirted and stuff.  You could tell they really liked each other. Which was nice.  John was around a lot more after that.  There were less pedicures and hair brushing, but, um, I had Karl.  Hey Karl!  I love Karl, he is a great friend. A great unmarried friend.

Well, time passed, and Aimee and John’s relationship grew stronger and stronger.   I grew sick of the constant sunshine and beauty of Santa Barbara and I eventually decided it was time to move on....1200 miles away to Seattle. Not, BECAUSE of John or anything.  I transferred schools and moved to the great Pacific Northwest to focus on my acting, like all great actors do, such as Brendan Fraser who went to my school. It was rainy and grey and important and I did acting things that were meaningful with artists who made important statements about the environment and eating organic and the plight of bees and I like to think it made the world a better place.

So I left AND they moved in together and now they’re married.  So, I guess you could say, we’re all here today because of ME.  You’re welcome.  Enjoy the cake, I hear its really good.

All joking aside, I dearly love those two people, I am so happy to be here to see this.  Aimee has been a true friend since the day I met her, to the full extent of what that word means.

halloween head shot bonanza

I have no money right now, so I'm not really in the mood for any big Halloween plans.  Although, interning at a talent agency does have its advantages in this area as I came up with a wonderful costume idea while working.

We are literally surrounded by head shots in the office and there is this bin that we just dump them all in when they come in the mail.  The cover letters don't get read, nothing else extra you send does either, and honestly your headshot probably won't even be glanced at.  Even the really good ones.  Frankly, your only really good chance is a referral (through e-mail!) or being scouted.

Some are really bad. Think senior high school photo.  Think reject senior high school photo.  Actually don't think senior anything because these people probably didn't even graduate as the grammar and spelling on their resumes is just silly bad.  Not that I claim to be good at either, I just think you'd give something a second skim over if you're sending it off in hopes of getting an agent.  And if they did give it that second skim over.....well, then they've got bigger problems and should be focusing on some self improvement before making any big career moves.

It makes me a bit sad because its this massive fame drive and some people think they'll just get an agent and be famous and all their hopes and troubles and dreams will go the way they want.  So, my future definitely isn't in an agency.....I could go on and on but the point is:

Halloween Costumes.  We (the person I work with and I) thought it would be a great idea if we made masks out of the really bad reject head shots and went as them for Halloween. Not so much to make fun of them, although that is most unavoidably part of it, but to honor them.  Yes, oh yes!  They will rise as the stars of their own real-life theatrical display. Not reality, we won't be them, we'll play them.  Their own Ray or Walk the Line.  They exist and everyone will know.