I Fucking Hate Gay Bars

I fucking hate gay bars.  They are full of men who are not interested in me and all there is to do is drink and get told you are fabulous while Mr. Whoever waits to ditch you for some guy that comes along.  At the end of the day it’s a bunch of dudes.  A bunch of dudes, many of which resent you for bringing your vagina into their space.  I can totally understand this.  So, why do I go?  Most of my friends are gay!  What am I going to do, bring a gay posee to “Generic Straight Bar”?

I don’t HATE gay bars.  I don’t hate anything.  Bars in general aren’t that great. GAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!  Why can’t people think up more interesting things to do on a weekend night than drink and rub against people in dimly lit noisy bright lights flashy crowded spaces?  Why can’t I?  When I can, why does everyone want to go and rub up against people in dimly lit noisy bright lights flashy crowded spaces?  I have two cats.  I cannot sit home alone with two cats on a Friday night knowing I have friends out on the town.  The cat lady quotient is just too high.

So, I get how my gay friends must feel in non-gay bars.  Straight bars?  Are they straight bars if they specifically aren’t gay bars?  I think we need more pubs in this land!  Food, drink, people, hanging outsies.  Casual, neighborhoodie localness.  And also less desperate promiscuity and constant sexual-based attention giving and receiving no matter if ye be gay, straight or whatevers.  Well, I don’t know if more pubs would solve that problem, but maybe the mood would change. I mean there are people that think ALL attention is sexually based, but you know what I mean?  People just seem so desperate to be liked that they kind of throw everything important out the window if someone compliments their hair....

Girl to friend, “I’m tired and have a lot of work tomorrow!  I think ima go home and rest up.”

Friend, “Ok, have a nice night!”

Rando Dude to Girl, “Nice hair! Smells like coconuts.”

Girl lights up like a 5 yr old on Christmas with her brand new Betsey-Wetsey baby doll.  Beams. “Hahahah, its just my shampoo!”

Rando Dude to Girl, “Nice!”

2-3 hours later the couple is having sex while trying to not wake Rando Dude's roommate.  Girl is almost late for work in the morning and doesn't have time to wash her hair.  It no longer smells like coconuts.  Gross.

I think looking at this whole bar debacle as an outsider kinda makes it all clear.  No one in the gay bar wants me, I don’t want anyone, in the biblical sense you see, so I can see how desperate everyone is and translate that to how me and my straight friends must look in da club.  Not that I can often be found in “da club”, or that I would ever have sex with some random dude who likes the smell of coconuts.  My shampoo smells like sweet pea.  Hahaha.   Oh and by the way, it is 6:41 on a Saturday morning, I have NO IDEA why I am awake, and yes I was out at a gay bar last night.